I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
