...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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