Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
