She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
