New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
