Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
