Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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