we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
