You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
