I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You made out with two different species that night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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