You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
