K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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