Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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