Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
