Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
