she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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