yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
