ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
