She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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