The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
