really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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