You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
