You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
