Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
