You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
