I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
