Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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