4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
