left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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