my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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