My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
