I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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