i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
