Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize