If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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