Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
