Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
