I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
