Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
