those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
