how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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