Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
