this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
