Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
