wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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