help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
