dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
