you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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