maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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