WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
