so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
